I have gone from picking out my wedding and bridesmaids dresses to feeling like the bottom of my world has fallen out in a mere 12 hours. I haven't felt this devastated in years, if ever. I don't think one can ever forget the pain of a heartbreak...but I'll tell you this...the pain worsens every time it happens.
I'll back up.
A comment I made lead to a conversation in which the words "I don't know if I'm IN LOVE with you" were said to me. My heart cracked into a million pieces. Although I've been feeling a little off in my relationship lately, I never thought that this would be the outcome. Later on in the same conversation, which involved a lot of tears on both sides, it was decided that we do indeed have something to work on...something special enough to fight for...and that a couple sessions with a counselor might benefit us. At least we'll know that we tried if things don't work out. Of course, after not sleeping a single wink all night, my emotions are on overload and I'm not quite sure what to think anymore.
My question is : Can you fall in love with someone after this much time?
I'm so scared. I AM in love with this man and to hear that it's not mutual is devastating. He loves my son...loves being the man in his life...and I don't doubt that he loves me....but to what level or extent? I am lost. I have never felt this horrible about myself. I have never doubted my actions more than I do right now. I'm trying to focus on the positive - the desire to work things out - but the fear of that not happening is stifleing. The thought of throwing away all the hopes and the dreams I had for us is beyond heartbreaking. I not only fell in love with this man, but with his family too...and his friends...and his life. I need this to work. I need to know he's as committed to making it work as I am. Our conversation last night said he was...a night of no sleep is playing with that statement in my mind.
All I know is that I'm in a place I hoped and prayed I'd never be in again. God help me.
A New Chapter
1 year ago